No life? No hope? No problem. Come to China.

26 Oct

Warning: This article may offend arrogant lao wais.

“Which is just so Chinese, isn’t it?”
Exactly which branch of the Chinese government suddenly made this Brummie bird an expert on Chinese culture? This morning, I spent my writing break in a coffee shop, unwillingly listening to a group of foreigners nattering about getting smashed, where to buy decent bread and the problem with Chinese people.

What depresses me about this situation is that these people, who are nothing special, come to China to be treated like pop stars only to disrespect the very people who treat them so well. I listen, twitch and write. I wanted to see if they came up with anything interesting. Nope. Nothing. All the same. Nonsense. Ignorant nonsense spewed out in the style of foodies dining at the Ivy.

Your friends and family probably think you’re so worldly and cultured going to China but reality is you’ve just exported your prejudices and are simply living out your boring ineffective lives in another country. That still doesn’t make you interesting by the way. The only thing that would make you even vaguely interesting is a knuckle sandwich to the face, and that might only give you an interesting looking nose. Unfortunately, nothing can be done about what’s on the inside.

So, what brings you to China? Work? Study? Love? I don’t actually care. Your ignorant arse is here so you need to do a few things:

1. learn the language
2. respect the people
3. accept the culture

What are the chances that you are incapable of doing any of the above? In which case, the least you can do is keep your pathetic ramblings to yourself. Being treated like like a pop star in China doesn’t mean you’re actually worth anything – especially your narrow-minded opinions.

For those of you about to worship your own lao wai hype: fix up, look sharp and show some respect.

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